The Places We Never Went
I see you in the places we never went,
in cabins we never lived in,
in rivers that never knew our names
You exist in all the things we almost had
Somewhere, there is a cabin with a barn,
the one you showed me,
where chickens should be pecking at the dirt,
where the river should be cold against your hands in the morning,
where breakfast should be waiting when you come back inside
but no one lives there
No one fishes in that river.
No one wakes up in that bed tangled in warmth,
because I never chose that life with you
Somewhere, there is a song playing on an old radio,
Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac,
but no one is dancing to it in the living room,
bare feet against wooden floors,
no one is laughing when the record skips.
There is no wedding, no slow dance,
just a song stuck in time,
like us.
I still reach for my phone,
still scroll past cabins for sale in Montana,
still pause at every mention of your favorite movie,
as if I’ll find you there,
as if you’ll turn around and say my name.
but you don’t
You are nowhere,
and somehow, you are everywhere.
I miss you
Not just who you were,
but who we were supposed to become
I miss the version of me that existed with you
I miss the way you talked about the future,
as if it was already real,
as if we would get there
I miss the things you never got to teach me
how to hold a gun,
how to tie a fishing knot,
how to love without fear
I miss the way you talk,
the way you’d fall asleep mid-sentence,
the way you’d call just to sleep with my voice
I miss the way you needed me
I miss the way I needed you
Now, I haunt the places we never went,
live in the life we never built,
wake up in the morning to an empty heart
where you were supposed to be